Waiting and Watching in the Fields
by gem girl
Summary: Maximus's thoughts while he is waiting in Elysium for Lucilla. Review! Review! Review! I'll love you if you do!


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, sadly, (by the way, if you own Maximus, gimme a call, maybe we'll make a deal) or the genius mind to have come up with a plot like this, and this fanfic is written solely for the entertainment of fellow Gladiator lovers...enjoy...  
  
The Gods must have had great merriment in conjuring up the play of my life. A Spaniard of the working class, rising up the ranks in the Mother Rome's great Felix Regions, to win the favor of one of Rome's greatest emperors, the love of his daughter, and the hatred of his son. An entertaining life, for the Gods I presume. Quite intriguing.   
  
I float through the Elysian Fields, yet it is Erebus without her. I would have thought that when the Fates had cut the thread of my life, I would have been granted the privilege of being somewhat content in Elysium. I'm not quite sure if I expected to be with my wife, or my son, but I at least thought I could find some happiness. I made a choice, I could be happy, somewhat, with my family, or wait for Lucilla. There was no question about it, I had so little of her on earth, perhaps I could be with her here, forever.   
  
Although, I do feel guilt and longing. Lucilla might die years from now, but I would wait. This little moment of emptiness is a small price to pay for an eternity of bliss. But, there is a possibility, no matter how improbable it might be, I must acknowledge it, though I daren't dwell upon it, Lucilla might not come to Elysium. The chance of that is very minute. She was-is such a beautiful person. Even if she didn't join me here, I'll know that I waited for her. Anything wrong she committed, she was forced to do, by Commodus, a man who will never experience the rolling hills of the Elysium. The Gods, will see and acknowledge that, I hope. Then, there is that stabbing pang of guilt, is my wife happy? I hope so, she was a good woman. A comfort to me in my loneliness. My mind wonders, if I had not met Lucilla, would I have loved my wife? Yes, but after meeting and knowing a soul of a heavenly creature, like Lucilla, nothing or no one can even compare.  
  
I do love her, no matter now many times I lied to myself and attempted to convince myself it was infatuation, not love. I loved her, yes, and I still do. I cannot even fathom how such a monster like Commodus, could even be distantly related to such beauty, a brother, even!   
I didn't want to leave her, not there on the sands of the Colloseum, not there.   
  
I'll never forget anything she said to me. At camp in Germania, I would relive every second of the time I shared with her, and I remembered everything. How her lips formed every word. It was in Gaul, a long time ago. A tribe of barbarians captured her, and I rescued her. I had not met her yet, but I presumed that the rescue of Marcus's daughter, would win his favor. Little did I know, that with winning his favor, I would give my heart.   
  
My love for her was overwhelming, as hard as I tried, I couldn't block her from my thoughts. I could build a great defense against barbarians and Visigoths, but I couldn't stop Lucilla.   
  
Our parting was painful, I knew I wounded her, by claiming I never loved her, but it was all acted out so that she could take Lucius. I did that all for her, all for my love. Until I met Lucilla, I didn't know it was possible to love that much. All I thought of, saw, and wanted was her.   
  
It was painful, a hundred times worse than any battle scar could wound me. But it had to be that way. I had to let her go. I miss her. My world is dark and all is lost without her.  
  
I watch her from where I am, how she lives the cruel villain called life, but I cannot watch for long. It drives me mad. To see her auburn curls drape around her flawless face, her sweet smile for her son, yet not be able to hold her and feel the warmth of her body, and whisper into her ear how much I love her, tears my mind and heart apart.  
  
She's unhappy. I know that. She smiles, but only partially, and for her son. But she never laughs. I know she loves me though, for she whispers my name, before she falls into the cradling arms of slumber. And she calls for me in her dreams. I know she wonders if I love her, and if she only knew. I don't know why I didn't tell her after we kissed, I suppose I thought she knew from the look in my eyes, or while I lied on the sand. I should have told her, why didn't I?   
Perhaps I was scared that she would reject me, and that after I had given her my heart, she would tell me what I dreaded to hear, that she no longer housed any feelings for me. Cowardice, that is what stopped me, I knew I couldn't bear the pain if she told me that.  
  
I see her now, Gods!, they're killing her and Lucius, to rid Rome of the Antonines. Fools! Only for the throne to be auctioned off at the highest price, and be bought by a rich, cold, heartless man, who know not what Rome is, nor who She is, nor what She stands for. The vulgar crowd. Oh, it pains me, if I could bear her burden, I would. They wheel her and Lucius in like slaves. This is barbaric! My Gods! They are throwing things at her, and calling her names I dare not even ponder about. They don't deserve this, especially Lucius. He looks up at his mother with big, questioning eyes, and she whispers words of comfort to him, and gives a sad smile. My Gods! I cannot watch. I can feel her pain, it is as if I share it. It feels like a sword grinding in my chest.   
  
The pain is dying away now, and it feels like I am being reborn. The chains are being torn off, and I am free. She is here, I feel it, deep inside me, my heart beats anew.  
  
Oh, I see her, her beautiful, warm smiling face coming toward me. She walks so gracefully, gliding it seems. She gives me a smile, a real one.  
"Maximus," she says with her honeyed voice.  
"Lucilla," I reply mindlessly, too concentrated on her beauty and my happiness, I can't believe this bliss. Her name is the only word I can force out.  
"Am I dreaming?" she asks. Afraid I'll leave her at any moment.  
"This is real." I answer, staring into her eyes.  
"I have always loved you, you know that." She says, and I can't help but smile.  
"And I you."  
"That's the truth?" She questioned.  
"It couldn't be any other way." I say, my heart pouring out with every word that escapes from my lips.  
"This is a new beginning." She says.  
  
  
She turns to me, and it is as if with that one look, all is understood, all is forgiven, and the past is lost in the fabric of time...I put her hand in mind and look in the distance. And there is Lucius. His boyish grin appears and he runs to us. Lucilla and I laugh. We walk through the Fields, no longer Erebus for me, but a land of light. Lucilla and I are finally with each other. She loves me, and I love her. We will spend the rest of eternity together. Hand in hand, like the way we walk now. Together. Till time's end. 


End file.
